Ignoring the Cookie Cutter

My mind just won't shut up. It pipes in at the most inopportune times with messages intended to annoy me. It constantly wishes to be served with brain candy, refusing to take in the wholesome homework and long-term desires I ask of it. It reflects on life, and reflects it poorly at that.

And, having had enough, I've decided to shut it up. I'm staying awake as long as is necessary to drug my own mind into subconsciousness tomorrow. Then, maybe my brain capacity will be lowered enough that I don't have to worry about ADHD or whatever it happens to be called now.

Sadly, sleep-depriving the brain into sanity is only a temporary stopgap. Sooner or later, the chants will rise like a ghost from the grave, back to haunt me one more time, forcing my consciousness to deal with my worst fear: the possibility that I'm merely normal.

Not overly smart. Not overly talented. Not funnier than the next person. Not even crazy. Just average. And by average, I mean just like the next person, and therefore easily replaceable.

Isn't that everyone's worst fear? That your boss will find someone else to do your job? That your spouse will find someone else to confide and trust in? That your friends will move on after college, and maybe if you're lucky, they'll remember you at Christmas?

Society today praises the savant--everyone wants to be an expert at their own special little chore in life, be it making the best blueberry pancakes on this side of the Mississippi, or being the best among your friends at chugging beer. We need that sense of being unique, being special.

There's no room for balanced people. To be balanced is to be an expert at nothing. And to have no specialties is to be bland, average--replaceable.

To be average is to go unnoticed in life. A life unnoticed is a life without significance, and therefore without meaning. A life without meaning is a life that is not worth living. "A man who has not found something to die for is not fit to live." (Martin Luther King Jr.)

What if I'm just another cookie out of the mold? Normal? Heavens, no! Someone, please, kill me now! Anything to avoid a life without distinction...

I would rather be crazy.