What's next? Washington bails out failing Canadian lumber companies that have operations in the US?
Wouldn't that never happen? In a billion years?
And next, I'd like to suggest that Washington extend the bailout to Chinese export companies, who are surely struggling due to the economic slowdown. If they don't get a bailout, ridiculously cheap imports from China could become less ridiculously cheap! Oh, the horror!
Monday, November 10, 2008
Monday, November 3, 2008
Walking to Walmart at 3AM
I'm hungry. I need sugar. I'm thinking one of those two pound bags of Sour Patch Kids would do fine.
Sadly, the only thing open at this hour is Wal-mart, and that's a 15 minute walk away. In the dark.
But I've been craving this all day, and I can't sleep. I'll go.
Bang. Bang. Bang. Stupid door won't close. I hope this doesn't wake my roommate up.
So I'm going to Walmart to get sugar. At 3am. Does this make me insane, hopeless, or both?
Pass by girls dorm. Make no eye contact with desk worker. In fact, maybe I ought to pick up the pace a little. Starts running. Harder for a criminal to attack a quickly moving target than a barely moving target.
Isn't it amazing the cleansing effect being outside can have on a person's soul? I mean, after you've spent three days inside, just stepping outside and breathing some fresh air while looking at the sky just reminds you that there's a whole other world out there. I heartily recommend going outside every now and then to all of you.
Whoosh! Oh, that was scary. I just ran around a corner. There could have been somewhere there. Whoosh! Oh, I just did it again. Alright, enough of the creepiness--I'm running on the road. Not like there's any cars there to stop me.
Wasn't there that music video released when I was young that depicted the band laying on the yellow line of the road as cars rushed by, then some teens tried to copy it and died? Well, I'm running on the yellow line. Difference is there's no cars.
Except that one. I think I hear a car behind me. Runs off road. Car passes. Runs back on road.
It's amazing how many stars you can see at 3 in the morning. I think it's more stars than usual. I wonder if the ancients, when they determined there were four thousand and whatever many stars in the sky, tried counting at 3 AM. I'm not just seeing Orion, I'm seeing the minor stars in between the stars of Orion, and the tiny specks between those minor stars that are surely distant stars themselves.
I believe that's the house coming up on the left where they had that drunken party that one night I passed by late. I'll give them extra room just in case.
I think I figured out why dogs act so lazy all the time. It's because they don't sleep at night, because they're busy barking at all the other dogs in the neighbourhood.
Hmmm... Andy's Market is open? But there's no cars in the parking lot. Yet all the lights are on. Don't they turn the lights off for Sabbath? Then there must be someone inside. But I don't see any cars...
Continues run-walk-run-walk all the way to Walmart. Cars pass. Slowly get accustomed to just going to the other side of the road as cars pass.
Ah, Walmart! "No Parking overnight." Clearly, that camper didn't see the sign. It's on, so maybe they're using the excuse that they're standing overnight as opposed to parking.
I don't see any cars. I wonder if I walked all this way only to discover Walmart actually closes at 3AM. I wonder if Walmart secretly closes between 1 and 6, but say they're open 24 hours because they figure no one will notice.
Oh, there are the cars. I bet the employees will outnumber me 10 to 1. I wonder if it will be like my friend's story of when Walmart employees "discreetly" followed them all around the store.
Yes, that is a Coyote howling. As I enter the store. Comforting.
No welcomer? That's understandable. Oh, wait, there is one! I think I just woke her up.
Whoa... I just felt a wave of tiredness roll over my body. Was SO not expecting that. (If I thought I was going to be tired, I'd have just stayed home and slept.)
There's more shoppers than I thought there's be. I think it's actually a 3 to 1 employee ratio.
While I'm here, I might as well get some soap. Down to my last three bars. Drug aisle, shampoo aisle, girl aisle, toothpaste aisle, girl aisle, pet food aisle... huh? Backtracks. Oh, there it is.
Oh, wait, those weren't shoppers! Those were employees dressed as shoppers! I take that earlier statement back--it actually is a 10 to 1 employee-customer ratio.
I wonder if I'll run into another customer... looks left... oh, it's some random girl wearing a Wolves sweatshirt reading while sitting on the floor. I wonder if I know her. Or would know her if it wasn't 3am. At any rate, glad to see someone RE-PRE-SENT!!!
And there's a young couple. The girl looks like she's dressed as a hooker. (Don't say that outloud.) I wonder if she's a hooker... no, why would a pimp and a hooker go shopping for groceries together? They probably just look like that accidentally. Or culturally. Whatever.
Any Hallowe'en discounts? 50% off! Nice! What do they have? Looks through... Nothing. Nothing good, anyways. Great.
Aha! Time for glory. Two pounds of Sour Patch Kids!
Well, I see they only have one aisle open. The cashier looks dead. "How many people do you get at this time of night?" "Oh, uh..." Thinks about it. A lot. "30?"
I wonder if she means 30 per hour or 30 for the whole night. Guessing by what I've seen, I'd say 30 for the whole night.
Alas, it has come time to brace the cold, insecure outside world once again. That's a fairly loud pickup driving towards me in the parking lot. Now just roll down your windows and pull out your machine guns, and I'll be some random drive-by shooting victim for the rest of my life. Pickup drives past. You didn't shoot me! I'm alive!
"Parking lot is monitored by security cameras." So that's why they didn't shoot me. Watch me get hit just after I leave the parking lot. The bridge out of Walmart is always creepy because of the long unkempt bushes on either side. But I've got chain link fence as my friend between me and the minions of darkness.
What kind of idiot robber mugs someone as they're leaving a Wal-mart? Not an intelligent one, obviously. They'd have spent all their money in the store so there'd be nothing left to steal except for what they bought. Which might occasionally work, but what if a male mugger nabs an old lady's bags, only to find that all she bought was... oh, never mind.
Car drives past. Now the car is going to turn around and kidnap me, right? Looks. Looks again. Car turns into Walmart. What were you planning on doing anyways if the car did turn around? Well, I could have... jumped up the cliffs on the right side of the road.
Walking down this road is so much like driving. Left mirror, Right mirror, Rear View Mirror, Blind Spot, Left mirror... Must keep wits about me at all times, lest someone sneaks up on me.
Is that a... sprinker? At night? Sprinkling... leaves? What a waste of water.
Gasp! That sprinker was the perfect trick. While my mind was occupied by the sprinker, another person could have easily snuck up behind me and got me. I can't let my mind focus on anything, or else I weaken my defenses.
Following the Yellow Brick road. Following the Yellow Brick road. Something, something, something in a high pitched voice I can't reproduce.
Technically, the road is made of ashphalt, not brick.
Well, if you want to get so technical, it's just yellow paint on top of black ashphalt--the ashphalt itself is not yellow.
Oh shut up.
Dear God, if you wake me up in time for Calculus tomorrow, I will... uh... there isn't a whole lot I can do for you, is there? I know, sing a hymn to you every morning.
Passes little shop with lights on. People pay so much for security now. I mean, that's the only reason for the lights, right? To make the shop visible enough for security cameras to work. Isn't the protection of property the single biggest expense, in the world?
And there's Andy's market, with the lights all on. It looks like there are two cars in the parking lot now.
Dog barks. Hmph. That was a rather loud bark. I wonder how big the dog was. Two feet tall? Three feet?
Dog barks again. Alright, whereas the last bark sounded like it was two blocks away, this one sounded one block away. They're gaining on me! Time to pick up the pace.
Unconsciously shifts to the left side of the road, or the other side from the barks. Whoa, nearly fell for that one. That would be a perfect dog trap. Bark from the right, to make the prey go left, only you were planning to attack from the left the whole time.
Stay centre of the road!
Oh, look, it's another car. I wonder if I know them. Car drives past. Nope, it's a cop car. And the cops in this town don't know you unless you own a car, so they can't possibly know me.
Is that flashing red light up ahead the railroad tracks. I should go and watch the train go by.
Adam, hello! It's barely over the horizon right now, and you think you can run to see it go by? Besides, it if actually is the railroad tracks, its a full mile beyond your house. No point in going that far.
Now if I can just pass the stop light I'll be on campus and be safe from all the College Place gangs and stuff. 100 feet away! 50 feet away! 20 feet away.
Oh, I'm sure that at 20 feet, I'm within the "aura ring" that the campus gives off, security wise.
Car goes past. Come on! Not even a dirty look about being up this late?
Well, I suppose a dirty look would be a bit much, considering that he too is on the roads at this late hour.
There's the girls dorm again. I wonder if there actually is a desk worker. Looks. There is. Do not make eye contact, do not make eye contact...
100 feet to go. 100 feet of off-campus, then I'm home. Leaves on ground make loud rustling. Shush! I must remain silent. If they can't hear me, they won't see me for as long as possible, and seeing is observing, observing is thinking, and thinking is temptation, meaning stealth is my friend. And I'm wearing these loud squeak-squeak shoes.
20 feet to go. Almost home. I bet the thief is just waiting for me to walk up the walkway so he knows which house my keys are for.
Okay, at the door now. Just get inside, get inside where it's safe... there! Locks door, deadbolt.
I'm alive!!! I'm alive!!!
It's amazing how precious life seems after coming so close to losing it right there. It's amazing all those people somehow withstood the temptation of randomly shooting, kidnapping, or robbing me. I live again!!!
That was enough adventures for one week. I'd better go hide in a hole for a few days.
Sadly, the only thing open at this hour is Wal-mart, and that's a 15 minute walk away. In the dark.
But I've been craving this all day, and I can't sleep. I'll go.
Bang. Bang. Bang. Stupid door won't close. I hope this doesn't wake my roommate up.
So I'm going to Walmart to get sugar. At 3am. Does this make me insane, hopeless, or both?
Pass by girls dorm. Make no eye contact with desk worker. In fact, maybe I ought to pick up the pace a little. Starts running. Harder for a criminal to attack a quickly moving target than a barely moving target.
Isn't it amazing the cleansing effect being outside can have on a person's soul? I mean, after you've spent three days inside, just stepping outside and breathing some fresh air while looking at the sky just reminds you that there's a whole other world out there. I heartily recommend going outside every now and then to all of you.
Whoosh! Oh, that was scary. I just ran around a corner. There could have been somewhere there. Whoosh! Oh, I just did it again. Alright, enough of the creepiness--I'm running on the road. Not like there's any cars there to stop me.
Wasn't there that music video released when I was young that depicted the band laying on the yellow line of the road as cars rushed by, then some teens tried to copy it and died? Well, I'm running on the yellow line. Difference is there's no cars.
Except that one. I think I hear a car behind me. Runs off road. Car passes. Runs back on road.
It's amazing how many stars you can see at 3 in the morning. I think it's more stars than usual. I wonder if the ancients, when they determined there were four thousand and whatever many stars in the sky, tried counting at 3 AM. I'm not just seeing Orion, I'm seeing the minor stars in between the stars of Orion, and the tiny specks between those minor stars that are surely distant stars themselves.
I believe that's the house coming up on the left where they had that drunken party that one night I passed by late. I'll give them extra room just in case.
I think I figured out why dogs act so lazy all the time. It's because they don't sleep at night, because they're busy barking at all the other dogs in the neighbourhood.
Hmmm... Andy's Market is open? But there's no cars in the parking lot. Yet all the lights are on. Don't they turn the lights off for Sabbath? Then there must be someone inside. But I don't see any cars...
Continues run-walk-run-walk all the way to Walmart. Cars pass. Slowly get accustomed to just going to the other side of the road as cars pass.
Ah, Walmart! "No Parking overnight." Clearly, that camper didn't see the sign. It's on, so maybe they're using the excuse that they're standing overnight as opposed to parking.
I don't see any cars. I wonder if I walked all this way only to discover Walmart actually closes at 3AM. I wonder if Walmart secretly closes between 1 and 6, but say they're open 24 hours because they figure no one will notice.
Oh, there are the cars. I bet the employees will outnumber me 10 to 1. I wonder if it will be like my friend's story of when Walmart employees "discreetly" followed them all around the store.
Yes, that is a Coyote howling. As I enter the store. Comforting.
No welcomer? That's understandable. Oh, wait, there is one! I think I just woke her up.
Whoa... I just felt a wave of tiredness roll over my body. Was SO not expecting that. (If I thought I was going to be tired, I'd have just stayed home and slept.)
There's more shoppers than I thought there's be. I think it's actually a 3 to 1 employee ratio.
While I'm here, I might as well get some soap. Down to my last three bars. Drug aisle, shampoo aisle, girl aisle, toothpaste aisle, girl aisle, pet food aisle... huh? Backtracks. Oh, there it is.
Oh, wait, those weren't shoppers! Those were employees dressed as shoppers! I take that earlier statement back--it actually is a 10 to 1 employee-customer ratio.
I wonder if I'll run into another customer... looks left... oh, it's some random girl wearing a Wolves sweatshirt reading while sitting on the floor. I wonder if I know her. Or would know her if it wasn't 3am. At any rate, glad to see someone RE-PRE-SENT!!!
And there's a young couple. The girl looks like she's dressed as a hooker. (Don't say that outloud.) I wonder if she's a hooker... no, why would a pimp and a hooker go shopping for groceries together? They probably just look like that accidentally. Or culturally. Whatever.
Any Hallowe'en discounts? 50% off! Nice! What do they have? Looks through... Nothing. Nothing good, anyways. Great.
Aha! Time for glory. Two pounds of Sour Patch Kids!
Well, I see they only have one aisle open. The cashier looks dead. "How many people do you get at this time of night?" "Oh, uh..." Thinks about it. A lot. "30?"
I wonder if she means 30 per hour or 30 for the whole night. Guessing by what I've seen, I'd say 30 for the whole night.
Alas, it has come time to brace the cold, insecure outside world once again. That's a fairly loud pickup driving towards me in the parking lot. Now just roll down your windows and pull out your machine guns, and I'll be some random drive-by shooting victim for the rest of my life. Pickup drives past. You didn't shoot me! I'm alive!
"Parking lot is monitored by security cameras." So that's why they didn't shoot me. Watch me get hit just after I leave the parking lot. The bridge out of Walmart is always creepy because of the long unkempt bushes on either side. But I've got chain link fence as my friend between me and the minions of darkness.
What kind of idiot robber mugs someone as they're leaving a Wal-mart? Not an intelligent one, obviously. They'd have spent all their money in the store so there'd be nothing left to steal except for what they bought. Which might occasionally work, but what if a male mugger nabs an old lady's bags, only to find that all she bought was... oh, never mind.
Car drives past. Now the car is going to turn around and kidnap me, right? Looks. Looks again. Car turns into Walmart. What were you planning on doing anyways if the car did turn around? Well, I could have... jumped up the cliffs on the right side of the road.
Walking down this road is so much like driving. Left mirror, Right mirror, Rear View Mirror, Blind Spot, Left mirror... Must keep wits about me at all times, lest someone sneaks up on me.
Is that a... sprinker? At night? Sprinkling... leaves? What a waste of water.
Gasp! That sprinker was the perfect trick. While my mind was occupied by the sprinker, another person could have easily snuck up behind me and got me. I can't let my mind focus on anything, or else I weaken my defenses.
Following the Yellow Brick road. Following the Yellow Brick road. Something, something, something in a high pitched voice I can't reproduce.
Technically, the road is made of ashphalt, not brick.
Well, if you want to get so technical, it's just yellow paint on top of black ashphalt--the ashphalt itself is not yellow.
Oh shut up.
Dear God, if you wake me up in time for Calculus tomorrow, I will... uh... there isn't a whole lot I can do for you, is there? I know, sing a hymn to you every morning.
Passes little shop with lights on. People pay so much for security now. I mean, that's the only reason for the lights, right? To make the shop visible enough for security cameras to work. Isn't the protection of property the single biggest expense, in the world?
And there's Andy's market, with the lights all on. It looks like there are two cars in the parking lot now.
Dog barks. Hmph. That was a rather loud bark. I wonder how big the dog was. Two feet tall? Three feet?
Dog barks again. Alright, whereas the last bark sounded like it was two blocks away, this one sounded one block away. They're gaining on me! Time to pick up the pace.
Unconsciously shifts to the left side of the road, or the other side from the barks. Whoa, nearly fell for that one. That would be a perfect dog trap. Bark from the right, to make the prey go left, only you were planning to attack from the left the whole time.
Stay centre of the road!
Oh, look, it's another car. I wonder if I know them. Car drives past. Nope, it's a cop car. And the cops in this town don't know you unless you own a car, so they can't possibly know me.
Is that flashing red light up ahead the railroad tracks. I should go and watch the train go by.
Adam, hello! It's barely over the horizon right now, and you think you can run to see it go by? Besides, it if actually is the railroad tracks, its a full mile beyond your house. No point in going that far.
Now if I can just pass the stop light I'll be on campus and be safe from all the College Place gangs and stuff. 100 feet away! 50 feet away! 20 feet away.
Oh, I'm sure that at 20 feet, I'm within the "aura ring" that the campus gives off, security wise.
Car goes past. Come on! Not even a dirty look about being up this late?
Well, I suppose a dirty look would be a bit much, considering that he too is on the roads at this late hour.
There's the girls dorm again. I wonder if there actually is a desk worker. Looks. There is. Do not make eye contact, do not make eye contact...
100 feet to go. 100 feet of off-campus, then I'm home. Leaves on ground make loud rustling. Shush! I must remain silent. If they can't hear me, they won't see me for as long as possible, and seeing is observing, observing is thinking, and thinking is temptation, meaning stealth is my friend. And I'm wearing these loud squeak-squeak shoes.
20 feet to go. Almost home. I bet the thief is just waiting for me to walk up the walkway so he knows which house my keys are for.
Okay, at the door now. Just get inside, get inside where it's safe... there! Locks door, deadbolt.
I'm alive!!! I'm alive!!!
It's amazing how precious life seems after coming so close to losing it right there. It's amazing all those people somehow withstood the temptation of randomly shooting, kidnapping, or robbing me. I live again!!!
That was enough adventures for one week. I'd better go hide in a hole for a few days.
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