Friday, May 18, 2007

The Tootbird

The "Tootbird" (mammalia fabaceae) is fluffy-looking animal that floats along with the wind in its travels. It was recently discovered by the writer of this blog, who unfortunately didn't have a camera with him, so he provided this rough sketch instead.

The name "Tootbird" is actually a misnomer, as it is not a bird, but a mammal. It raises itself up by means of its balloon-like intestinal system, which is home to a unique species of bacterium. This bacterium produces methane at a rate 10x faster than that of the cow's intestinal bacteria. When the intestines are filled with methane, they give the tootbird a bloated look, and eventually the creature acts as a living balloon and floats away. The tootbird can control how its altitude by expelling varied amounts of gas, depending on how low it wants to go.

The tootbird feeds by descending onto a bean field, and settling under a plant. It then extends its mouth and tongue and eats all the beans within reach. When it has finished, it waits for the methane to build up, and then elevates a little ways before finding another untouched area of the field. Soybean farmers dislike the creature, and consider it a pest.

The female tootbird is attracted to loud noises produced by the male members of that species expelling gas. During mating season, males get together in groups and have competitions, in which the best female chooses the male capable of reaching the highest number of decibles. Then, in mid-air, they get together and mate by expelling gas in synch with each other.

It is theorized that the tootbird is able to control the direction in which it travels, due to it's multiple anuses on each side of its body. This has not yet been proven, but awaits further research.


"Scientific progress goes boink?" (Calvin & Hobbes)

1 comment:

Diana said...

Wow. That was really disturbing.