Life Repeats Itself

As I sit here refreshing my email inbox (yes, I know, if an email actually came, I wouldn't need to refresh the browser to see it--I guess I'm just obsessive-compulsive like that*), it occurs to me how unexpected this was but a couple of months ago.

Every time I get over someone I think I'll never fall for someone again. In some cases, I promise myself I won't let myself fall for someone again. And every single time it happens again and it isn't until months after that I wonder how did I get here.

It would be easy to repeat the arguments. After all, they're usually the same. "You don't know her very well." Which is true, but does it seem to make a difference? "You're not right for her." Am I right for anyone? "If she knew all the horrible things you've done she'd never love you." Quite possibly true, but don't I have to take that chance?

And so I find myself once again hopelessly wishing for someone. Will it go the same as the last twenty times? Quite possibly. Am I tricking myself into loving her because I finally found someone who likes to spend time with me? It wouldn't be the first time.

So in the event you are reading this (and I'm pretty sure "you" know who you are), and you're not interested in me that way, you can probably talk me into just being friends. The timing can be at your discretion. You wouldn't be the first to have this conversation with me--most of my best friends are people I had a crush on at one point or other. I would understand.

But if you are interested, we need to hang out sometime. I am keeping my eyes open looking for something that would fit the bill, but if you find something first don't hold back. Oh, and send that email--I miss you. And I'm still hitting that refresh button.



*Oh my goodness, I just read the wikipedia article, it describes me so well :-O I didn't know I was OCD! (Involuntary shiver. Okay, now repeat that a few more times. Oh wait, now my back itches. Don't scratch it don't scratch it scratch scratch scratch)