Neck Tone

I'd like to sell you all on a new device I've created.

What it involves is getting something heavy, then taping it very tightly to the front of your face. Wearing a plastic bag over your hair is acceptable as long as it doesn't move; but seeing as that is highly unlikely, it's much better to tape it to the neck below your hairline.

Then, lie on your back. While breathing out, raise your head; while breathing in, lower it, but don't allow the neck muscles to completely relax: they need to stay tense. Do this for about 20 reps, or for as long as you can. It is important to continue raising your head for as many as possible, even when pain strikes your neck.

Then, lie on your stomach and do the same. You may also feel free to do the same on each side.

Should you be able to do 40-50 reps without getting the least bit tired, consider adding more weight. The idea is to build up the muscles in your neck while improving the tone. Good neck tone is sexy.

Plus, you never know when you'll get an irresistible urge to stand up on a roller coaster. This way, when your head hits a metal post, your neck muscles will be strong enough to avoid your neck being snapped in two and your being decapitated. (I'd worry about your back, though. Or your skull.)

Should you be unable to sufficiently attach a weight to your face, consider applying for a job as a crash test dummy instead. I hear whiplash also causes your neck muscles to be sore.


"No pain, no gain."